“I will walk by faith even when I can’t see because this broken road prepares your will for me” Jeremy Camp…
Time after time I’m amazed at how God works and helps us despite ourselves. Last night I was in a pity party, depressed and not feeling like doing anything. I was just sitting there focused on the storm surrounding me and thinking to myself that I’m helpless and can’t do anything about it so why even put forth the effort. Even in my mind knowing that the “why me” card was one of Satan’s most frequently used weapons to undermine our faith, I still fell for it. It’s a place that we all have been to and can relate to, even though some of us respond much better than others, like me. But being Wednesday night I was asked if I was going to church, and my instant response was “I don’t feel like it”. In my mind I was thinking, “I don’t want to be around a bunch of people that are going to make me get out of my pity party. I was comfortable wallowing in the muck of self-pity. But, if you have been born again, you know how that convicting power of the Holy Spirit can burst your bubble. He irritates the crap out of me when he does that. Hey, I’m just speaking what you have already thought. Anyway, I said, ”Fine, I’m just going to get this over with” and out the door I went. Right out of the gate someone hits me up with an encouraging word about the ministry God called us into and puts my mind on thinking of someone other than poor Steve. Then our Bible study was about Jesus’s lessons and peace he gives in the middle of the storm and an ensuing conversation took place for me to “vent” to people that understood. Realizing that you are not the only one that has or does feel this way is liberating and takes away the guilt Satan tries to shove down our throat. I was also reminded that Christ himself had his moment of questioning in the Garden of Gethsemane when he was praying to God to “take this cup from me”. It’s at that point it became clear that having fear and doubt are normal human qualities. They are a useless waste of time but however a realistic emotion that we all go through, even Christ. But what matters is what we do. He got up and delivered the greatest gift ever to mankind, despite being so stressed that blood flowed from his pores. So today I was thinking about the question “Why”. And he made the answer clear. “Maybe I don’t want you to know why because then it wouldn’t really be faith, would it”? So, like a thousand other times, I took my shut up juice and just smiled. Of course he knows it won’t be long till I’m screaming and cussing, angry, resentful, or just broken hearted and on my knees crying in a moment of weakness. But he will be standing there with his arms around and holding on tight until I open my eyes and see that it’s going to be alright, my father has me.
